Tip #107 Your Self-image & the Little Darlings

Many horse folks really beat themselves up and they are merciless with themselves.  I receive bunches of emails and letters stating how they love horses and yet can't train their horses or ride the darlings. 

The majority of people that  come here actually have the fear thing but they keep it a secret.  Often they don't mention it until later on the first day once they get comfortable with us.  Some never even say it out loud until the very last ride of the last day.  People don't want to talk about it because they are so embarrassed about it.

 The person has no confidence in himself and calls himself a loser, a fool, an old fool,  a gutless wonder, stupid, worthless, spineless - you just can't believe the adjectives they use on themselves.  I think it is really sad that something, ie the little darlings, that is supposed to give you so much happiness, instead ends up giving you sorrow and negativity.

Your self image is incredibly important.   Just because you are terrified of riding your horse does not mean you are a worthless fool and shouldn't be fit to live.  Honest, that is really true - get that into your noggin.  It is not a character flaw.

It simply is what it is.  Period.  End of statement.  You don't even have to know why or what it is you are so afraid. of.  It just is.  It is okay to be afraid.  Being terrified of riding though you love your horse does not mean you are bad or immoral person.

You have no idea how many horse folks are out there that are scared to death of the animal that they love so much.  I would not be surprised if there were more folks out there that are scared than are not.  I don't know but it wouldn't surprise me one iota.

The fear thing is a bitch - an absolute bitch.  I know about it.  It can immobilize you.  I've been there.  And, once you get it, you will never get rid of it - it is in the very core of your  being.  Very famous Olympic snow boarder and X games winner Shawn White is struggling over fear and confidence big time - like this entire summer and he has to perform in Sochi.  He was so afraid that he almost didn't even make it to the trials as a finalist...  It has just about brought him to his knees like it brings you to your knees and it has brought me to my knees..

You simply learn how to handle it - sometimes you handle it quite well and other times you do a lousy job of it and just let that fear get the better of you.   You know what though - you are just fine and your little darling is just fine and you are both incredibly lucky to have each other.  And, you will get through this - it is simply going to take as long as it takes because, really, except in your little noggin, there is no big rush.  Is there ?

Adventure Horse Riding in NYS            Smilla13@gmail.com  (Mary Dixon)         www.RideNYS.com

#61 Riding Alone - How I Finally Did it

#61 Riding Alone - How I Finally Did It !   

 by Sue McGuigan (she is 43)

My good friend, Sue, wrote this for me - I had asked her to write what her experiences were to get to the point of solo riding.

I hope this is okay.   I am not a writer like yourself so if you need to tweek it feel free.  I am so sorry for this being so long

Riding alone was so scary for me I couldn't think straight.  My hands would start sweating and my nerves would make me shake, literally.  I woke up one day and asked everyone I knew if they wanted to go for a ride and everyone had other plans.  The first thing I did was start making excuses for myself and thought of Raine doing something  like jigging or spooking went right in my brain but it was just too nice out not to go. So the next thing I know I am texting Mary and saying I am taking Raine out by myself today and I am scared @#*^less and will text her when I got back to let her know how I did.  The next thing I knew she called me.  Mary gave me pointers on what would help me during my ride and told me it was okay to be scared and even if I went a little ways that it was okay just to go away from the barn even if it was a couple of feet.

As I saddled up my horse I was shaking thinking of all the things that could happen out there.  So I started singing to myself.  Stuff like saddling I am putting the saddle on now, I am going to do this then just saying stupid things really peanut butter and jelly yes that is right singing about the sandwich.  Of course songs I love would just not register to my brain. 

I did what I always do before I go out on the trail making sure I could move her feet backwards, forwards, left and right and the most important is walking forward calmly and stopping when asked.  So there I am one step away from the barn by myself with my horse.  Going away from the barn was easier then I thought it could of been I didnt think of where I was going to end up but what I was doing at that time one step at a time and singing about peanut butter and jelly.  I did alot of walk, stop. walk three steps then stop.  I counted out loud and needless to say had to walk more then three steps because Raine appartenly knows how to count and right after I would say three she would stop.  Too funny when I think about that now. 

 The next thing I know I am away from the barn about 300 feet and no problems but believe me when I realize this I start thinking bad things like oh god what happens if I meet a deer or something could come out from the tree up ahead or just anything stupid so I starting singing about yes you said it Peanut Butter and Jelly.  I dont have woods to ride in but I do have fields and one of the things that always scared me about that is open fields, not good she could take off with me at any time so I did alot of walk stop again and circling keeping my mind on my tasks and nothing else I would say okay we are going to the right or going to the left or walk, stop, walk stop, okay turning to the left again no I think to the right this time saying these things as I did them.  The one thing that mary said to me was if you need to stop do not face her to the barn so when I did stop her or even circle I would always face away and even let her graze a little.

Sue & Raine

 I didnt go really far that day but I did go away from the barn and the horses to where neither of us could see them and that was worth a million dollars to me.  That day I found my courage, confidence and a closeness to my horse that just makes my heart soar and the feeling that I was one step to going out by myself and not making excuses that are so easy to make and never waiting around for days on end for someone else to ride with me. 

I did this 3 days in a row by myself and everyday got easier for me I still get nervous but not half as bad as the first time.  When things creep in my mind I start circling and talking out loud or singing about peatnut butter and jelly and doing alot of walk stop exercises.   I am lucky to have a special bond with my horse that has now gone to the next level and when I get nervous I know what to do and it helps alot.  I am able to walk and trot and as spring is approaching and the fields start drying up my next step is to canter and yes I will try even if it is just a couple strides.

I wrote Sue's age because so many folks think they are just too old to do any of this !  NOT ! !!   

Adventure Horse Riding in NYS            Smilla13@gmail.com  (Mary Dixon)         www.RideNYS.com

#55 Just One Step

   #55  Just One Step
   Pix are not Dusty, but a different horse - Beau

You may get bored reading this and you may get bored doing this method but  read on anyway.  What the heck ? 


I want my horses to be brave and confident so I ask quite a bit of them.  This most recent quest was terrifying to Dusty, my Tennessee Walker (he's always been a very nervous nelly)

Our creeks are very rocky, and deep, and have about 2 to 5 inches of hard ice on top and snow on top of the ice. Our other horses cross them and are calm when the ice makes the cracking sound and they drop down into the dark, cold water and the ice cracks again with each step.  They just deal  with it.

.  Not Dusty, though - no way and no how. (actually I don't blame him !) 

Day 1     He just couldn't stop pooping when he realized what I was asking of him and he also got the shakes.  So, we were both happy IF we just faced the creek and took one step toward it and simply stayed there for a spell (the release or reward).  We did this about 4 times - not 4 steps  .  This  was no easy task at first.  (1/2 hour)

Day 2  Went back to same frozen creek - he was getting nervous & pooping just going there - and we did the same thing as Day 1 - didn't take long at all, we would just stay there little bit,  and then I asked for  "just one step" and then one more step and one more step, etc,  to get him to the EDGE of the creek.  We did this nice and slow with rests between each step - and, alas,  he finally got there at the edge and stood there. But, he sure wasn't going to go one inch farther.        (1 hour)

Day 3    A repeat of Day 1 and Day 2 - much, much easier and quicker than  
before and got to the EDGE of the creek relatively quickly.  He had his confidence up in himself and in me because I didn't push him over the cliff (didn't shove him into the water)  I tried the just one step, ain't happening, and I just knew it wasn't going to happen,  so we turn around and away, then approach again and just one step, nope, and again and again and again and nope nope nope (I was wanting him to get on the ice)

BUT, he lifted his foot out and over the ice. Great!  I gave him a treat and we went back home.  (45 minutes)

Day 4  By now, naturally, I think this is going to be many days to get the job done but I knew it and accepted it because I know my horse.  Geez, talk about patience!  So, the day was a simply a repeat.  He did go quickly to the edge of the creek and we just stayed there & when he picked up and stuck out his foot again, we just went home. I didn't ask any more from him.  (10 minutes)

Day 5  Back again doing the same thing, balancing on the edge of the creek  but this time we stayed even when he picked up his foot and stuck it out over the ice.  I did nothing and said nothing - just sat there.  So he did it again, then again, then again, and then put one foot on the ice !  I just sat there, didn't say a single word.  He put weight on it, took it away, did it again a few more times,then he put the other foot on it so now both feet are on the ice.  I said nothing  and did nothing.

Then the ice makes a noise and cracks, and his 2 feet go right down into the freezing water rushing among the rocks under the thick ice.  I said nothing and did nothing.   He just stayed there - didn't do a thing.!


  And, then, FINALLY, he crossed the freaking creek - ice breaking all over the place.    We then re-crossed the creek and rested, then did it 3 more times back and forth with no problem at all.  Then we found 2 other places and he crossed those with no hesitation.  He seemed quite proud of himself.
So we finally got the job done !!!!!!!!!!   (1/2 hour)


The reason for this blog is simply as a reminder about baby steps and  time and patience.
Rome didn't get built in a day & Dusty wasn't going to cross a creek in a day.                         

      *   The "time it takes and it will take less time"  - 4 days and tons of patience (more time) - he now goes thru

           any and everything with no hesitation whatsoever - even a frozen pond (less time)

• Trust - he knew I wouldn't force him to do it (push him over the cliff)
• Confidence - in me and in himself
• Patience - Omg, the patience !
• Baby Steps - reward the slightest try.
• Consistency - he always knew how the lesson was going to go and that it was lesson
• Persistence - I just didn't give up or get frustrated or impatient 

Adventure Horse Riding in NYS            Smilla13@gmail.com  (Mary Dixon)         www.RideNYS.com

#52 Your Crash Buddy

#52  Your Crash Buddy

My good friend got bucked off the other day - she is fine.  She was really angry about it - meaning she was furious with herself and the horse and was embarrassed and mortified.  She is, I am sure, now on her way to what I call debilitating fear.

 I went and found a log she could stand on to re-mount and as we were walking over there she stated:   he bucked and I could feel him getting wound up.  I asked "what should you have done?" meaning either circle him or whatever to get his brains back on or just tell me immediately to stop.

So, here is what I did wrong.  I should have just kept my big mouth shut and discussed it with her later that day or another day.

I knew she had some fear working from earlier this year and should have immediately realized that this incident would increase the fear thing dramatically - SO,  she certainly didn't need to be asked or told what she did wrong right then and there.  Naturally, we only walked after that, at least I was kind of smart there. 

 So, be kinder to your crash buddy than I was.

 Adventure Horse Riding in NYS            Smilla13@gmail.com  (Mary Dixon)         www.RideNYS.com

#43 Permission

#43  Permission

You don't need to have permission and you don't need to be perfect !

When riding one of the little darlings - either your own sweetie or someone else's or you are at a lesson, and you feel the need to get off - listen to your instincts -  then just get off - you don't need to listen to what your friend, husband, instructor, or whoever says.

  It is YOU that is up there on the horse, it's not them.  Period.

  And, your safety is the most important thing - ever, ever, ever.  And, only you can determine that, no one else can.

  So, don't feel ashamed, feel like a coward, feel like a sissy or feel like a loser - you are not -  you can always get back on later that day or whenever.

You DO NOT need anyone's PERMISSION to get off- only yours.

.  This is really, really important for you to get into your noggin.

I know I've said athis before - but I can't say it enough - you need to believe this.

Mary Dixon        Adventure Horse Riding in NYS 

www.RideNYS.com                  Smilla13@gmail.com

#37 The Biggest Problem - I Think

Dusty & Henry BFF

#37                                   The Biggest Problem - I Think..
 .

The biggest problems horses seem to have - I think - is the barn sour, herd sour, buddy sour business.  They are such herd animals that it is incredibly difficult for them to be separated from those magnets that is essential in their DNA for the darlings very survival

And, it seems, that is the most difficult problem that riders have with their horses and why so many  just end up quitting riding.  When the sweethearts get the sours - which is generally as soon as you take them away from the barn, they get jiggy, tense, argumentative, disobedient, defiant and scary.


We then get nervous or scared - most of us don't know what to do or how to fix the situation - and we  give in.  The next time we go out, the situation gets worse, and the next time the situation becomes even  horrendous to the point of being dangerous.  Now we're scared to death to go out - so what do we do ?  We stop riding & come up with varying excuses why we can't ride or we spend enormous time just grooming the horse or arrive late to the stable or think our horse is a bit lame etc.


Has this happened to you or to your friends???

I would love to hear your opinion - is that the biggest problem or can you think of another?

Mary Dixon       Adventure Horse Riding in NYS          RideNYS.com

Tip #34 The Art of Falling - is there such a thing ? Actually, yes!

The Art of Falling - Is there such a thing ?

 This  is a synopsis of  "How to Prevent Falls" by Betty Carpenter.  Falls and fear pretty much go hand 'n' hand.  You aren't sure what to do when your body is falling into space and you freeze up because of the terror of the landing & that fear is worse especially after a fall - it seems to be somehting that we have a pretty difficult time getting over with.  I've been there and I know that many of you have too.

Some things she suggests to practice:

• Lay down in bed and stretch - this promotes balance, bending, flexibility, reaching
• In bed, shake and wiggle your limbs and fingers and toes, arch your back a bit
• Tense and tighten your body then do this over again
• Reach for the ceiling & move your arms and legs around
• Turn your head around - up, down, left, right 

• Flop down into a chair - don't use the armrest or anything - this might take some practice
• Get out of the chair without using anything to push yourself up. Use just your legs to get up

• Stand along side your bed - frontwards, then backwards, and just let your body flop onto the bed like when you were a little kid
• Practice rolling around

• If you fall, do not try to break your fall with your arms or brace yourself - something will  probably break.  These exercises are supposed to help your body prevent itelf from the bracing because you have trained your muscles to be loose and flexible.  So, you need to practice practice, practice.  They aren't hard.  One or two times doing the exercises won't help you even a little bit.  Put some effort into this.

These easy little exercises help  your body to develop muscle memory and stay relaxed instead of tense.  It's the tense and rigidity that hurt the most when you land. 


The exercises were developed for seniors who have relatively constant crashes and injuries as a result.  The older we get, the less pliable we are simply because we don't do any of the above.

Her book is good.  Check it out.

Mary Dixon    Adventure Horse Riding in NYS     RideNYS.com

Tip #19: Horse riding is not for the feint of heart .

Horse riding is not for the feint of heart, is it?  No doubt you've had moments when you've been scared to death or even terrified.  Sometimes, it is really, really hard to get back up on a horse after an incident - regardless of how mild or serious that incident was.  It makes no never-mind.

It affected you mentally and emotionally and probably physically.    If this has happened to you or to your friend, it's really important that you know you aren't the only one struggling with the aftermath.

Why we don't talk about it I'll never know but we don't.  Our attitude seems to be "just suck it up", "step up to the plate", "don't be such a baby" and get on and let's go.  We don't have all year.

So, whether it's you or your buddy,  go easy on yourself ;  you're not a chicken and you're not a baby.  If it takes some time for you to get back up in the saddle, well, it's just going to take that time.  You're not going to rush it.  You don't have a thing to prove to anybody - no way and no how.  You just have to dig way down inside you and do a bit at a time to get your confidence back.  You'll do just fine then.

It simply takes the time it takes.  I know - I have been there more than once, and so has my husband.

Adventure Horse Riding in NYS                RideNYS.com

Tip - GET OFF !!

Really, really, really important !!!!   The second you have the thought that gee, maybe I should get off this horse or I want to get off this horse, DO IT !  Otherwise there's a good probability that you will end up on the ground thinking to yourself, "I knew I should have gotten off the horse". 

Adventure Horse Riding in NYS. ---   RideNYS.com